I wanted to be seen as like them.Because I already was like them, on the inside.I .... I was a girl.I dont know what I would have done if Anne and Jil... and John hadn't camebursting into my room at that point, and John asked "You okay, dude?" No. I'm not. I'm not okay. Cause I'm not a dude. I'm a freaking girl!"There was a shocked silence for a moment, and then he said, "Yeah. I .. Ithink you are." It ... makes sense," Jill said.Anne sat on my bed, and hugged me. "It will be okay. I always. Icouldn't help but compare it to my own childhood, with its silences andstorms of rage, and found myself envying Allison.If I had had a home like this maybe . . . Soon, we were finisheddinner, and curled up on a couch watching TV. I felt safe in a wayunlike anything I had felt before. I found myself thinking that if Inever got back to my old life, this one wasn't a bad one.My parents helped me go to my room, and for the third time since I wasstuck in Allison's body I had a flash of her memory.. I noticed an old friend of mine sitting at one of the tables and talkingto a newer employee whom I'd only seen in passing. Jennifer had beenabout my own age and was someone I'd considered a friend. She was alsoone of the people I could trust to take advantage of what I was about todo.I sat down at the table without an invitation, and then slurred, "Thatdumb bitch messed with me... Nobody messes with me..." And what is this about?" Jennifer asked with a forced smile. She'dnever trusted Mary and. I don't notice when shards of glass slide past the boundaries of my skin and let loose rivulets of blood. I wince, my lips curl back into a half knowing smile an instant after. I make a silent prayer, for me and mine, wishing, wanting, desiring, hoping, praying (redundant), fighting, struggling, despairing, for everything in the world and more, that one day. I can feel pretty.Strut my stuff in heels and a tight red dress pretty, not the "Oh your features are so pretty for a guy" pretty. I've.