I felt as if I was going to be sick. “Baby, I'm really sorry, I really thought. You told me you wanted me to,” she said pleading. “Did you do an...thing else?” I asked trying not to raise my voice. My heart was beating fast. I was filled with nervous energy, I didn’t quite understand. I watched as Sarah closed her eyes and nod her head.“Yes baby, I kissed him too. We were dancing and he was pulling me close to him. We were grinding together and he kissed me. Baby, I just got lost in the moment.. They still expected to see fabulous bodies, but much more action and creativity than the older films offered. At the age of thirty-seven, Jeff spent a good part of his time in bars, feeling his career was over. One night a small group of women spotted him drinking at the bar. They looked to be a dozen years younger than him. The women would look toward him, giggle like third graders, whisper something, then giggle again. One of them stopped to say hello. She said, "Sir, my friends and I have to. ’ ‘Any idea when Mr. Brantley?’ ‘I would think in a few hours Lynn. University is close to home, and they will be able to take care of her better from what I overheard. Oh, by the way Lynn, please call me Jackson. Mr. Brantley was my father.’ ‘What about when she gets out of the hospital?’ ‘Based on what I saw,’ Jackson shuddered, ‘she won’t be walking for at least a week. I don’t know what kind of care she will need at home.’ ‘Thank you Jackson. Please let me know when they get ready to move. My voice jumped as I said it. I tried again to tug up my pants.“Stay here.”“Don't do this.” I actually pushed her hand away.“This is my fault.”To my surprise I heard myself answer.“It's your fault. It's my fault. It's our fault. I don't know.” What the hell was I saying?!“I thought I could stay cool. I can't. I thought I could keep it mutual. I can't. But now? Today? Here? Like this? Somehow in these last few hours it's all so...real.”“Don't you feel it?” I heard myself dare ask. She didn't.