I froze and replayed those last words through my brain. "I wanted to have gone further." past tense.I didn't so much want to be having sex with Sharon...as to have had sex with Sharon. With all the posing and teasing and years of fantasies, she'd become the one that just got away. The Great White Whale to my Captain Ahab.Was that a way out? Could I develop a romantic relationship with Tina and keep my friendship with Sharon?Tina didn't trust me with Sharon because she knew I had an unscratched. I say, "Where are my clothes now, you guys have had your fun."Tom- "Let's have a modeling show Misty, come on walk around like a model at afashion show and strut your stuff for us. Lol"Me- "Misty???"John- "Yea we decided to call you Misty cause of the mist from all our cum asit splattered on your tits last night, lol."Me- "Ooh no, this can't be happening."With that Alice produces a hairpin and pricks me in the rear with it to get meto model my new outfit.Me? "Ouch." I say as I begin walking. . Did guruji say ‘yauwan’ or ‘yaun Sanjeevani?” he held the two bottles with similar colored pills in his hand.Guruji hand overs the bottle to Ashok and said “Take one pill one hour whenever you feel too exhausted” “But don’t become too dependent on them. Take them only when really necessary.”Ashok thanked “Thank you, guruji.”Later in the evening, Ashok popped a pill into his mouth while he held a glass of water and thought to himself “I’m so exhausted from driving all the way here.” “Let’s see. ”“Nihilism is something that people believe, the same way a spoiled child believes that war is terrible, but they can’t truly understand it, can’t grasp the inarguable truth of it. Everyone believes in something, some kind of abstract value. It’s how they live. It can be the importance of their wealth, faith, family, life, or anything. Whatever it is, everyone has to believe that something in their life matters. Even the most depressed, traumatized person with the most tragic life imaginable is.