Death isn’t how I expected it to be. I sit up and feel, well, normal. I open my eyes and look around, I blink and look again. Nothing. Absolutely no...hing, sheer black, no hazy spots, no stars, no zinging colours like you experience when you close your eyes to sleep. Nope just nothing. I think I should be panicking. I remember what it is like to panic but couldn’t really bring myself to feel it. Where the hell am I? ‘Well I can tell you it’s not there.’ A light and airy voice said. ‘Where?’ I. He chuckled at the thought, imagining the man’s disgust.Then there was the Performance as a second cause for excitement.Lucian looked out of the window where bulky men built a podium on the main lawn. It was big and looked professional with a high, shell-like roof and intricate metal constructions for spotlights. Big speakers were tested; chairs and tables were loaded down from a truck.Most of the afternoon and evening’s program would be filled with a demonstration of the students’. ‘Don’t dirty your hands. He’s planning on building an airstrip out here and learning to fly. As if he wasn’t crazy enough behind the wheel of a car,’ she advised Dante with a perfectly straight face. Dante looked at her speechlessly for a moment then burst out laughing making those around them look over to see who it was. ‘I think it might be time I reclaimed my beautiful bride. You two seem to be having way to much fun over here,’ Josh said extending his hand to Peri. ‘Just doing the job you. 'Alan, it's, it's OK,' she responded as she composed herself."It's OK - it's all right. Uh, eh why don't you come down to thekitchen when you are done? Done? I just spoke with Mrs. Johnson onthe phone'.She paused and then said, 'I guess you can leave your panties on, ifyou want.'With that, she shut the door.I was devastated.My mother had just seen me, a boy of 13, in a pair of girl's pantieslooking at himself in front of a mirror.What would she think of me?That I am some sort of queer or.