When Marine One let me out on the lawn of the lodge at Camp David, my new security force enveloped me in layer upon layer of protection. I decided tha... it was out of a need to do something, instead of stand and grieve.Rick and Ken Stanton accompanied me into the lodge, and we went straight to Charles' private office, where agents had secured his files, notes, and records against pilferage. Sweeping the folders off the desk and into a file drawer, I sat heavily and said, "Rick, see if you can. Forty. Still no one else came. At 10:55, I decided I would give them five more minutes before I went back to the house. Just as I had gotten up to put my toes in the water, thinking I had a reprieve for another day, I heard "Get over here douche bag."I wheeled around to see Cassy and Tori standing there staring at me. Cassy grinned from ear to ear but I wasn't sure if it was because she was in full toady mode or because of our encounter this morning. She was wearing her bright orange one piece. I watched as Alex stripped his clothes, and then I dove into the cool water. I heard him splash in behind me.“Bet I can beat you to the waterfall,” I teased.“Yeah, we’ll see,” he said, laughing.The two of us made it there at the same time, laughing at one another. I slipped under the fast running water to get behind the waterfall. The water had eroded the stone into smooth shapes. I rubbed my hand along the stones, when I felt Alex behind me.He pushed my hair to the side and kissed my shoulder.. .. so I'd set it aside. I'd swallowed it, burying it deep inside of me. Deep enough, I hoped, so that I'd never become that thing again.Then there was Jean. We'd spent the past 4 nights and even some of the days making love. I think, if I were being honest, that I'd prefer to say we were fucking or having sex ... but I knew better. The closeness we shared, the tenderness, the passion – it was more than just a physical act for either of us. There was a light in her eyes when she looked at me, a.