You need to calm down and work out why, okay.'A momentary flash of anger rose up up before I quashed it and nodded.Asking Janey to stay there I got up...and pulled out some salt, my bedding and a stick of the damn chilli incense from my pack, walking slightly away from the camp. Sitting down, I lit the incense and started an extended calming ritual, trying to work out why I was so easily angered.Scraping out a circle in the ground, I laid the bedding on top, sitting down. I collected a handful of. Last summer. And since we all have this one thing in common, I thought we should all get together and do those things with each other."I felt a twinge of jealousy. Timmy did it with two other guys and didn't tell me?Of course you all know what we all did.He told me that I was his first. He didn't force me into it, I did it voluntarily, but it was all Timmy's idea and Timmy has a way of making sure that he gets whatever he wants.His dad has some high paying power job and they have the biggest. They both were interested in getting involved.I quickly regretted everything. Why had I been so graphic in our e-mails? I had exaggerated a lot of stuff with the assumption that they would never happen. I truly never thought I would be in a group situation, and had definitely gone overboard in describing what I wanted. I think I even described it in one of the e-mails as me wanting it to be similar to a prison gang-****...each guy using my ass to get off, not worrying about whether I liked it,. She said she wanted me to touch her but didn’t know if she was ready for that step. I told her I would not force anything on her and that I was not trying to “make her gay” and she laughed, shook her head and said, "I know, but this is all so new and exciting, I just want to make the right decisions." I agreed and finished and stepped out to grab my towel. Her eyes ran up and down my body a couple times while I stood there and watched her. Never once did she make eye contact, it was like I was.