” His eyes widened, but I kept going before he could say anything. “I know it’s wrong, and not right and all that, but I want it, I want you, I ...eed you so bad, I just, I just want to feel it again, feel alive, feel love, feel warm feel good, feel anything, and,” I took a deep breath, ”I want to feel it with you right here, right now, and I don’t care what anyone says, what they think, and if anyone disagrees then fuck them, fuck them all, and if you don’t, then, then fuck you too, and-” I was. Still nodding, still smiling, she made another note on my ticket before I left.***I picked the clothes up on Saturday afternoon as usual and hung them in the back of my little closet in my one room apartment. I didn't need them until Wednesday and left them still in the plastic bag until I did need them. My little method for being sure I rotated my wardrobe.Wednesday morning I was out of clean Oxford shirts, except for one slightly threadbare one I kept for emergencies. I opened the dry. Some monstrous mountains of flesh, a good many lovely creatures, male and female.Manjula arrived on the Friday evening boat. I'd seen the name of an Indian couple on the guest list, but I saw her and my heart gave an unexpected leap. She was very young, slim, shy. She made me think of the wild buck that we sometimes saw in the jungle. Big dark eyes, looking out at the world from under dark lashes with a touch of fear. She was wearing a sari, rich in reds, blues and golds, and I thought, some. .. 'Dad, am not arsed if you were bottom, you're a topman to me! 'Awh, I was about to crack a tear until I realised that would be some sort of admission of anal painful!' 'Dad, you always tell me to be as honset as I can be, lad & dad & you will always be honest with me, I overheard you on the phone to Mark, Spiderman up the wall cos it's kills!' I burst out laughing, embarrassed was not the word 'He was the 1st & only...' Too much info Dad! Eh, if you can swim, your gonna dive in the deep end'.