I doubt there would be much sleeping going on. I spent the evening trying to find some purpose but I couldn’t focus on anything. I watched a movie b...t I couldn’t tell you anything about it. I tried reading but my eyes would just slide off the end of the page. The only thing I could focus on was a mixture of very confused feelings. I was concerned about Neil. Was what Sarah saying true? She had no real reason to lie to me and it rang true but how could I have missed it my whole life? I was. It grows almost mre than twice it's size when it gets stiff and hard. I love to make it hard and feel it in my hands when it grows hard. It pulsates nicely and holding it is a great fun. We used to have sex more than 4 to 5 times per day when newly married. Slowly the frequency has come down to about once a day. I love when he fondles my boobs. He knows how to play with them. When he sucks the nips--they get all excited and stiff. We love to cuddle and fondle each other in presence of others.. I nodded and wiped my eyes. I suspected I was going to be weepy for the rest of the night.When we got home, I heated up something simple for myself and went downstairs to post a new video. Instead of waiting to post something, I embraced what I was feeling and talked a little about how sad I was that Carl was dying, but how I was trying to turn that into a positive by focusing on the charity event for April 2nd. I talked about being grateful for all the people in my life and for my own health. And he could hardly suggest it, she knew that, he would be worried about losing his place. Yet he did suggest it. He was a lovely kid, she felt guilty, but she did need sex.“I don’t want pity sex, Clive. I want to hear a man having fun with me. Can you do that? Can you do what we did last time?”“Exactly?”“No, I mean, you take control. Use me, abuse me. I like not being in charge”“Okay. I’ve finished the The Warden by the way, I’ll bring it back tomorrow. Am I wrong to see a sexual frisson in.