And as I got older I was too embarrassed to go out and purchase my own for fear of discovery. Anything deviant from the typical hetero lifestyle was n...t an acceptable behavior and serious repercussions could occur from an alternative lifestyle. Like DEATH!For all intensive purposes my desires came to a screeching halt with the exception of constant masturbation fantasies.My cross-dressing resurfaced believe it or not after I got married. Let's fast-forward a few years to age 21.We had a few too. "Oh, I forgot to tell you how this works. Its simple hun," she explained, "when the blue light is on you have a punter waiting. Press that button to talk to Mabel in the waiting room. Press that orange button to indicate you are busy, cleaning up whatever, and that red button there is the panic button." Press the panic button and 'Iron-Bar' Steve will be here in seconds. But only press it if you have genuine emergency," she advised me, slipped me a wink, and skipped out of my cell to the sound. Immediately, she pushed her awareness outwards through the house, seeking any presence other than her Master. Finding none, she sighed in disappointment before throwing back the latch to her coffin and lifting the lid. It was too much to expect that the police would track her down so quickly, but she had dared to hope. A metallic clang sounded from her left as her Master emerged from his own casket.He looked her up and down with a thin smile, before telling her, "Go dress yourself in something. By the time Clark got home I was a mental mess. All I could think about was what was going to happen tomorrow. 100 men, how could I have sex with 100 men? What is all this doing to me? Will I like any of it? What do I do if I enjoy this sick thing that they are putting me through? Will Clark ever find out and if he ever did, just how would it affect him? Would he want to hurt me? Would he even hit me or worse?I hate to admit this but committing suicide crossed my mind many times. Sitting at.