My cd player, my cigarettes, some loose papers in my pockets, I had him hold it alland he grinnedHis smile, still engrained upon my corneas as I am ne...er to forget him, my first, my Ben Boy.quickly I decided as I had decided before "the next man that wants to fuck, I will"and that we did, but first we stopped at the park, and gazed upThe MOON! so full, so bright and him so dark, nothing but a smiling jackal he was that night...I led him to my doorand there upon the way tossed into the air, my. I was transported to an old mill, the doors were securely locked and I was again dragged to a pile of uncomfortable hay. I was naked, my legs were spread and I was forced to reveal my cunt to them. I did not resist, for fear that I would be beaten. I stretched out my legs as far as I could allow myself, using my fingers to spread the moist lips apart. I was embarrassed to see that I was soaking, my juices were gushing out and covering my fingers. The men simply stared, undressing themselves. I can't lose him.End Diary EntryDiary Entry: August 2008I can't shut myself off anymore. I have to go on living. Get some rapecounseling or something in the process, but I have to go on living. Ican't be like this anymore. I need to find myself. Find the reasonsand things that made me the person I am. Why did Ryan fall in love withme?I was sexy. I was always in a good mood. I was funny and sunny. Icould carry on a conversation about a lot of things. I was caring andkind. I loved. I wondered how often she and her husband fucked; maybe she had fucked her while wearing these panties.Right at that moment I was aware that someone was watching me, I hadn’t heard the hair dryer go off, there was Mary standing in her towel looking at me.“You like those?” she asked. I looked at her very embarrassed and said yes. She stood there in that short towel just covering her large meaty thighs, the towel just covering her pussy.Then she removed the towel so she was naked, her tits were.