.Were they, you know...hard?" Courtney pried, looking with absolute intensity at her friend as she sat, half hiding behind her knees she had pulled up...to her chest, on the bottom bunk of her bed."Ooh, yeah," Jessica continued, delighting in the excitement she was stirring up in her friend through her strategic storytelling. She knew now more than ever where she wanted this night to go, and was determined to take it there."Oh, w-- wow..." Courtney said shyly, her face getting red as a beet, and. " But you've tried, haven't you? You made a pass at him." Not really. I mean, when I was Angel in Rent, he said he thought I waspretty. But we just made out a little. That's all." The making out bitwas a lie, too, intended to embellish my story.She shook her head. "My husband is gay, Jazz. He's a three-dollar bill.A rump ranger. What should I do? Call a lawyer? Call RuPaul?" Please don't call anyone," I sobbed. "I love you. I don't want to loseyou." What? You want me to be Ellen so you can be. She didnt seem too interested in an answer, as she was already on her way upstairs. I made my way back to the sofa, resuming my horizontal position and closing my eyes. A few minutes later I heard the sound of Pamela coming back down the stairs. I kept my eyes closed until I heard her stop at the entrance to the living room and call my name. Paul? Her voice was small and hesitant, completely opposite of the rather happy tone she had when she had bounced into the house. I peeked one of my eyes. Since I was a small child I have known that I was different. It soundsa clich? to say, but I have always felt that I am a woman in a man'sbody.I have tried to push these thoughts into the background, but recentmonths they have overtaken me and it reached a stage where I could nolonger resist them. The condition cannot be cured as it is probablygenetic.Also when I was born, my mother desperately wanted me to be a girl. Shedidn't dress me in a feminine manner but often remarked on the factthat I.