Please Misha I won’t…..just don’t throw me out, please….I’m scared.’ Shaking his head he told her, ‘I can’t cope with you Suzanne. I n...ed space from you. This time it was more that you getting high. You slept with someone just to get the drugs. You betrayed me.’ ‘I know…I’m sorry…’ ‘Sorry isn’t going to make it change…the feelings I have at the moment…it isn’t going to make it change how I feel Suzanne.’ ‘Please…I have nowhere to go….I love you…I promise….’ John stood up, and looking down at. My mother was never mentioned, though I saw the pain in his eyes, once I gave him my address and that of the company I work, and my lawyer's phone in case he, (not her), ever needed to contact me.Beyond that I did not want my mother to be named in my presence, through her memory was my own living hell; I could not rip her from my mind, her memory was an obsession that never left me, and that made me reject other women, I could not have a normal romantic relationship, none of them was my mother,. ) I whipped her bandana off to loosen her braided locks, let them fall to her thin shoulders.Getting out of my clothes, I spread them on the carpet behind the long table, opposite side from the only door. I'd turned on only one overhead light; nice and romantic down there where I had Ernestine lay down. She lifted her arms and spread her long legs in a universal invitation, which I was damned sure accepting. Climbing above her, holding my weight up for a moment by my elbows and knees, I looked. As a good little brother, I did as was asked and put allher gifts and such in the car. She said to just leave them in the livingroom.Then finally my dream came true. The last things she gave me were twobags. The big garment bag was obvious. It was her wedding dress! It wasall wrapped up in the plastic bag but I trembled as I held it knowingwhat it was. She thought nothing of it. After all the dark secret,desire, and jealousy of mine were unknown. To her and all around, it wasnatural and I was.