Frankly, that segment was located several inches below their bellybuttons.On Saturday evenings, Ratchet frequented a bar in town along with all the ot...er rednecks in the district. There they would all shuffle around to country music supplied by a local band. He mostly got lucky on Saturdays, but the females were usually desperate cougars and well passed their sell-by dates. Although he dreamed about Laura, he knew she was beyond his reach, and therefore had to be content with his pickups at the. “What was that?” she asked.“A mommy with a guilty conscience,” I said. “Know how I noted this was two weekends in a row...”“Yeah.”“This is the phone call to make up for that.”“You okay?”“Yeah. You heard my half of the conversation. I guess she’s really confused that I’m not a fourteen-year-old mall rat like everybody else my age. Dunno if she wouldn’t be happier if I came home on Saturday night and spread out a bunch of nail polish and fashion accessories...”“Maybe that’s where she’s. “Hey, is someone in there?!”For a second, Helena’s mind shattered like glass as her whole ruined future flashed through her mind, but ingenuity immediately struck her. Holding her tongue out tightly between her lips, she blew, imitating the noise of a loud and wet fart.“Sorry, I was trying to hold that in until you two left.”Swearing in disgust, the girls rushed out. Helena sat there on the toilet with her fingers still inside her, wearing nothing but a bra and blouse, once again alone. She. .. you came in?”“Yeah, sorry about that, but I knocked until my knuckles were sore. I was worried about you. Don’t worry, you weren’t naked or anything—not that it would have bothered me if you had been. I’ve seen you naked before. I used to bathe you, remember?”When I turned toward the table with the Scampi, he was giving me a scolding stare. “I’m not a little kid anymore.”I sat across from him and looked him right in the eyes, “Trust me, I noticed. Speaking of which, did you take care of that.