That would kill me."No, Nan, our marriage had to end. We had grown apart, with my hours and you hating to be alone. Ruben was all that was holding us ...ogether then. I was so into my work at the hospital that I often failed to think of either of you until I was on my way home. To me, that was wrong. You and Ruben should have been my first priority always. My job should have been only that; a job. I've come to understand that and now I'm doing what I should have been doing before. I work at a job. ’ He gave a sad chuckle, ‘She knows the risks. In a way, she has taken the decision to tell Bella or not out of your hands so that you don’t damage your relationship, and she can say the things she needs to just in case.’ ‘It’s not that simple,’ Rob stared at Stephen as if he had grown two heads. ‘As far as I can see, Dorothea has just handed you a get out of jail free card. You said yourself that Bella is stronger than any of us thought,’ he stopped and considered the words before speaking. But Amaretto has been re-training Lionel to give me similar massages and tongue baths. He is a complete heterosexual, so it takes him a bit of time to get used to this, but he’s learning fast! ?I know it’s creepy at first, Zits? Amaretto counseled me. ?But if you close your eyes, you can enjoy his tongue licking the sweat off your back just as if it was mine.?But Lionel does a great job! He methodically massages my skin, and knows Shiatsu and all the rest of the various rubs. It’s no pleasure. ..” was all I said before Alan interrupted.“You don’t want her to? How selfish can you be? No wonder it wasn’t that hard for Alexis to be with me.”Yeah, right! It was those damn pills! She would never do something like this! This is all your doing, I thought. No way was I going to say that out loud.“I gotta tell you. If Alexis was really with me, I wouldn’t let any man touch her in any way. I wouldn’t even let them look at her funny. But you, you offered her to me on a silver platter.”Because.