Mason from the 4 H group was behind them. I asked those three to wait at the gate."Not here. This is private." I said nothing more until we were behin... the ship. "Ashley, at the 4H meeting last week, did you or did you not say you have a crush on Jacob?" I did. Don't worry. I'm not going to interfere in your relationship."I give Ashley an appraising look. Then I opened her file.What I read there made me wonder why she never had the nerve to make the first move on Jacob. Ashley was a 17 year old. He told me I could and that next time, if I wanted, I could hold it. Of course I wanted to and later that day when he went to pee, he pulled down his pants and I stood beside him and held his penis. As he started to pee, I could feel it going through. I was so excited that I shook a bit and pee went onto the floor around the commode. Grandpa laughed and said that when he was learning to pee in the commode as a boy he sometimes missed too. He let me hold him while he peed several more time. I'm a little bit worried about what something like that might mean for me, but I guess, I will just have to take a chance," I said."I can understand your concern, and we'll talk again. And, Charlie, I think it would be good for you to have another, I mean really private talk with Daryl. Would you be okay with that?" she said."Sure, yes, I guess so," I said. She smiled sweetly at me."Good," she said. "Charlie, I think we need to go out on a date tomorrow. I mean we are engaged. I think you need. Maybe I’m numb from the alcohol, but I can’t really tell, I was numb to start with. Several men try to hit on me, but I ignore them and they finally leave me alone. I crush out my last cigarette, swallow the rest of my drink and leave. I walk back to my room, strip and again collapse on the bed. Day 3 I wake the next day with a slight hangover, but go through the same routine as the day before. I cross to the diner for a meal and then head over to the bar. Cigarettes and bourbon in hand, I sit.