Susan, observant as always, missed nothing."Honey, it's OK for it to feel good" she said "I've been doing it allmy life and I still love it "Suddenly...ashamed, I quickly rinsed off and got out of the shower.I threw myself on the bed and wept my frustration, shame and anguish.She was with me in an instant, this time I didn't push her away, Isettled my head into her shoulder and cried.Slowly, my sobs died away and we lay there for what seemed like hours,holding each other."Stephen.. , Steve..?". "Don't worry Joan, it's going to be all right." A few minutes later,having calmed down, I began putting everything away. There would be nodinner this evening. I had the love of my mother, the love of Sam, yetthis overwhelming sense of emptiness surrounded me. Would it ever goaway? Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that all of this was myfault. It wasn't really, but that's how I felt and there was no consolingme. For something to do, I put on a pot of coffee. Just doing anything seemedto. My mouth watered and i decided that i will get her laid as soon as possible. Somehow she too got close to me that evening understanding that i was a total stranger in that place. She brought me soft drinks, talked about how close she was with her sister and got emotional. Meanwhile i chanced on her tapping her back with a hidden intention of caressing her without the crowd getting to know. I was getting wilder by every touch of hers. She responded by saying she was better and came with me for. They were lost at sea, that's all. It was supposed to be a second honeymoon to the Orange Islands, and their ship went down in a storm..." I see," Miranda replied, coming up behind Misty and placing her hands carefully upon Misty's shoulders, half wondering if she should."Don't worry," assured Misty, closing her eyes and bowing her head to hide her tears as she put her hands over Miranda's, "It's just that I'm not as strong as you are, Miranda. As you've said, I'm full of life. It makes it hard.