I saw that when Matt and Andy had sat with me at the club last week. I also saw it in how they treated Cara and Rachel. There was no snide comment abo...t Matt and Rachel not playing last night, nothing even about them staying and watching. When Cara was naked, of course people looked, we all did. We all looked at Rob too, but there was no lecherous staring or smutty comments. Finally, when Luke had saved my embarrassment, there was no ill feeling from anyone. Rob was even active in the charade. No one will ever need to know."She argued against it and I tried my best to convince her and fear of what her mother and the rest of her family would do finally swung her over and the next morning we flew to Vegas and were married by Elvis.I loved Patty Ann, but I knew that our marriage was just a sham. I loved her enough to do what I was doing to help her, but I knew that she didn't love me. I knew she really liked me, but that was all and I made sure that the hotel where we spent the night. ..I know my limitations. I just perv on the copious, youthful cruise eye candy.However recently I had a déjà vu moment at sea heading for Noumea. I saw a young woman poolside, with a great tan...and instantly thought Francis.I mean I had thought occasionally about Francis, over the years. Sex is full of associations across time. Some deliberately recalled, others involuntary memory...popping into our heads at what seem unrelated moments. Then we realise as we process and savour past great sex -. My smoke breaks sometimes involved Javier who would see me outside during his nighttime walks while his wife was at work. Most of the time we’d just smoke and chat but twice I found myself kneeling at the foot of my bed giving him blow jobs once again. I’m not even sure why. Perhaps it was loneliness. Perhaps it was how horny I got at times. Or perhaps it was that he genuinely seemed to appreciate it - petting my hair and thanking me each time after I had finished him.In my loneliness, I.