I only want to kill myself, not end other peoples lives. Diary maybe you can't give me the answers but I wish someone could. I have never had a time i... my life where I haven't had a good memory...But that's all it ever is; a memory. Nothing solid or right in front of me. I can remember times I had laughed and what not. Tried to be a good and faithful best friend. Tried to find a way to make things better. Maybe I just try too hard I mean, lord knows I try. But all I have are my memories. No one. It was wrong, but he had given up telling them it was wrong. They knew best. He was thirty today. He got the automated "Happy Birthday" email from HR. 30."Was thirty suppose to feel like this?" he asked himself.He was 30; he had all his hair, and was lean with a runner's body. He thought of himself as plain looking. He wasn't Jude Law, or Tom Cruise, but he wasn't Homer Simpson either. He was polite and a relatively nice guy. He didn't club puppies or anything like that. The few that knew him. I thought I would throw up. But I got used to it afterawhile. I think I can live with him bothering me for the rest of theday, even till we go home tomorrow." The rest of the weekend is OK but what about but what about the nexttime you come here? He thinks you are his girlfriend" Leslie asked."I'll worry about that when the time comes." I really had no idea what Iwas going to do the next time. "Let's get changed. They are taking us to a movie tonight. I hope it isnot the same one we saw last. The course was flat, no cross streets to stop and wait for traffic lights, so I breezed through the six point two miles with an eight fifteen pace. Not fast enough for one of the age group awards but quick enough to put a smile on my face. I was doing my post-run stretching when Claire and her friends crossed the finish line. We high-fived, congratulating each other on a good race.As the race season wore on, I kept seeing Claire at the 10ks. We'd talk more and more not only about running, but.