And sigh, and for the first time, ask my muse directly for help... "Why? Why can't I find the words to express myself? I feel the emotions, I mean... ...t's there... but it's not. It's been almost four months since... since Tabitha and I split up... and in that time, it's like I'm a faucet that's been shut off at the source. No matter how many times I turn the handle, there's nothing coming out."She avoids looking at me directly. She knows how much this hurts me... still... For weeks after our. I walked over behind her n help her to take her jacket off n she thanked me. Not knowing that I was looking down into her dress again from behind. She then brought me to her rm to try the item as she have 1 on her bed too. Me:" y not u show me how to use it. I never use before. "Her:" lie down also dk ar!!" But she end up still walking over to the single bed as she lay down. I was standing at the bottom of the bed so I manage to see her orange panties as she was lying down. It's probably too. I told him only if the right situation came up and he agreed. I also told him it would have to be with a stranger not someone we knew, not the first time anyway, he agreed again.We went away for a week in January 1988, just for a change of scenery and to get away from cooking and cleaning etc. This particular day we’d been out walking and had returned to our hotel ready for dinner, as we’d showered and got dressed I felt rather sexy and I dressed accordingly. I was wearing a stunning red dress. I knew acting as if I noticed them would make the situation even worse and would cause me a great deal of embarrassment. So I acted casually and held my bra in place and walked away into the bathroom.My mind was filled with some random thoughts. My foolishness made me more angry. I was like a volcano ready to erupt. Hoping that the anger would go away I took a shower. After the shower I wore my undergarments, blouse and petticoat and got out of the bathroom. I went behind the room door to lock.