This increased more frequently and my sisterand I became less attached because her boyfriends usually made fun ofme when my girl friends and I were pl...ying together.It was hard trying to be a girl because of the harassment and besideswhen I would try to grow out my hair my mom would make me cut it or theschool would saying it was a distraction to the other students. Mycross dressing became more of an act in hiding when no one was home andI did a lot of research on the internet about attaining. “Did you like making me dirty?” He never replied in words, just in nice tight hugs, which I became accustomed to as his way of agreeing with my thoughts and feelings.I made coffee and told him to sit at the kitchen table. We sat opposite each other as he recovered. That twinkle in his eye and a satisfied look upon his face. I wondered if ever he did love me like he said he did? Somehow I always felt that our lovemaking was full of affection, yet a certain something was missing. He was demanding. Immediately as we arrive at the posh bistro Adeola hasselected for our lunch, we all order tall, cool- but expensive- drinksto help soothe our sore throats."Okay," Becca announces after clearing her throat. "Dream job: yes.DAMNED hard work: also yes!" I giggle along with the other girls- it'sfar from my first day at a new job, but it's certainly been one of themost fun so far. The fact that I've been unconditionally accepted as'one of the girls' certainly helps... Even though I know deep down. And not just amazing, it felt... sexual. Like viscerally sexual. I felt like... I dunno, a grown-up I guess? A real person for once. A person who could throw a punch, and hurt somebody and be OK with that. It made me want to fuck and eat a cheeseburger in no particular order.Anyway since then Ethan has been looking a little.. I dunno man-boy to me. The shit I used to think was confidence now seems like lazyness, his bravado seems like dim-wittedness. I know he hasn't changed. It's the same him,.