."You don't have to do this you know" a voice inside me cautioned. "Youcan still back out, why not just lazy around the apartment, or try ondifferent ...lothes..." The voice continued. I half turned, my courageseeping away."Dam it THERE'S NO GOING BACK NOW!" I exclaimed out loud, grabbingangrily at the Yale lock knob, twisting it and at the same time pullingthe door open. Abruptly the door was open and the hallway stairsstretched before me. I stood absolutely still, amazed at my own actionsand. . but then he stopped. "You see?"I did. So much more was clear to me now, and I decided that I would enjoythis special day to the fullest. I felt briefly like I was cheating onNicki in some way, by not telling her about my desires. I don't know howshe would react, and I didn't want to wreck what I had. But I realized,sitting there in my feminine persona, released at last, that I would needto someday. But, today, I party.The girls offered me two shoes, one set of nice flats, one low. She'll give me a hand job once in a while, but mostly I'm on my own. Of course, this means porn sites are a staple. After some time at this, I realized that I really, really like seeing men climax. Whether it's a throbbing cock pumping its load into a pussy or squirting on a babe's face or tits, it's inspiring. One of the sights I like best is a man dropping his load on another man's stiff dick.I miss the cuddling up naked almost as much as the orgasms. And I miss having someone else. ........I will give you some examples of how I get off, get satisfied, get layed and I like to think I give as good as I get, as a someone who loves sucking and fucking and my desires and sexual destinies deserved to be fed and sated as I want.Last night is a perfect example. Brad my husband goes to bed around 9pm (he works physically hard) and I join him around 11pm and he is well and truly asleep. BUT I AM HORNY and start playing with myself, wetting my fingers with my mouth before fingering.