I leave it on even though the water bill is too high to pay. I like the sound of the water rushing over me. Let the water pour. Clean and hot and dese...sitizing, destroying prints and calluses, burning away bacteria, boiling needles to the surface of my skin. Mindless, hopeless activity. I sit in the shower without forgiven and need and lust and longing. The scars will never vanish. Never fade completely. But remind me of the torture of trust, the fool who gives over. The emptiness that follows. After spending Easter weekend with their families the two girls were ready to get back to nature, and to the solitude and tranquility of being without their parents and grandparents and pesky younger siblings that wouldn’t leave them be for 5 seconds at a time. Always asking about boys and college and are the college parties as fun as they say etc. They’d planned three trails to hike. Each would take a full day and they graduated in length and difficulty from novice hiker to advanced. And each. .. pregnant.” She immediately reached for the water glass and began noisily drinking.Jenny looked pointedly at her husband, who met her gaze for a split second before his eyes darted away.“Oh shit.” he repeated.For some reason no one corrected his language this time.Amber was looking at her sister like she was from outer space. “You knew?“ she gasped. Then she looked around the room. “Everybody knew?“Uncle John’s eyebrows rose up until they met his head hair. “What do you mean ... everybody. She hesitated again.“Just tell me. What did you want to say, and what”? Mikhail was a bit insistent.“No. I cannot tell you that I have not, you know ever since then”. She was still shy.“You mean, you had not had sex since 2 months”. Mikhail spelled it for her and she jumped on it. She looked very seriously towards him. “You said, maybe you could help”.Mikhail laughed but surprised to see, Lada was not laughing and looked very serious. “Yes, I said maybe”. He was serious now.“Are you sure, big.