We sat for about ten minutes with her head on my shoulder and my arm around her, and then she sat up.“Thanks,” April said. “Will you come see me...again before you go back to school?”“I’m working all next week, but I think I could manage an evening, if that’s OK.”“Sure. Just let me know which one.”“I will.”We got up and she walked me to the door where we exchanged a chaste hug, and then I headed home.“How is April?” Mom asked when I walked in.“Lonely, but otherwise OK.”“And her baby?”“Chastity is. I took up a collection to pay for the beer. Adam took forty dollars out of his pocket and handed it to me. I did not feel guilty about taking it. These kids weekly allowance probably added up to more than my months’ salary. It was hard to miss their BMW’s and Volvo’s parked in the school parking lot.I took out my beach towel and spread it out next to Adam’s. It was not quite a date but I was claiming him as mine for the night. I decided to take my shorts off to see their reaction to my less. We share a glass of Cab and talked about her day, as I tantalized her with what her pleasure was to be this time. Finally Kathy needed to know, but I said well it is a little surprise, and asked if she was OK with that. Yes she replied and smiled knowing had and a very nasty mind.The evening past until about 8:30 and on this winter evening it was very dark and with a cold wind blowing. The doorbell rang and Kathy answered it wearing a sweatshirt and pants with her warm slippers. I could. That her one time for letting go had ended in such a disaster. That my mother should always live with her true feelings and character forced down insider herself was a hurtful thing to me, now that I know about it. I did not mean to recommend this form of 'letting go' to her, but that under controlled conditions, it was probably a good thing to let ones self 'go'.What my trip meant to her, though, I had no idea. I knew that mother had desired me for many years, she had said so several times.