Both the trophies of victory and the stigmata of defeat ... to know damage when she saw it. These are scars I might forever bear. But does it matter? ...nly if I can escape. And I can’t see how I will.Surrender suffused her every thought, increasing the intensity of her weeping. Where is my will to fight? To deny, even if it’s ultimately futile, the degradations being visited upon my body? Where is my desire for freedom? Was the death I sought so intensely pursued that I’ve forgotten how to yearn. I knew it had to be the pee she missed wiping. Anyhow I got in the tub and reached down to pick them up. I put them under my nose and smelled them. It wasn’t anything like jack explained. I tried soaping myself while smelling them and still nothing occurred. I had to think of a way to get a stronger scent to smell. After thinking about it for most of the evening a light bulb came on in my head. Patricia always went to bed with a football jersey and panties on. So in the middle of the night,. She obviously decided it would be all right. "I suppose so."I took it from her and hung it on the hook at the back of the door. "It's best if we go through there," I said pointing to the door to my living space.I followed her through. I was feeling apprehensive – well that was inevitable – but at least it was only a Code 4. That's the lowest grade, "Conduct likely to be offensive or viewed as disrespectful." I've never known anyone that was involved in a Code 1 "Actions contrary to law or. He was able to convince me a TV assignment and 50k was too good to reject.Both of us went to aunty’s flat and spoke to her. She told me to expect a call from her in the evening. She called me at 5:00 to informed me that a guy will get in touch with you. Few minutes latter I got a call from a guy named Ashmit. He asked me to come to a hotel ***** in room no *** at 10:30. I spoke to Karan who told me that he had been with this guy in past. Karan took me out for drinks. I never use to drink and.