I made up my mind, grabbed the phone, I had enough in the bank, and some left over. I gave the broker my card number, took a contingency clause on acc...ptence and approval, just like that! I looked over at the urn, Ted was grinning at me, I knew. I was smiling inside at myself. Ted always said, ‘If you see something you want, reach out and grab it!’ I remember I was with him once when he needed some shoes. He walked in, looked at a pair he liked, and told the salesman, ‘That pair, size 12D!’ and. John rolled over placing his face into the blankets on her side of the bed and inhaled deeply, he could still smell her essence despite the cool December air. He loved that sleepy smell. Shivering John rolled up on her side of the bed, closest to the bathroom. Opening the door he reached for his robe on the hook and found a hanger instead. He flipped on the light and saw much to his dismay a Santa suit with a note pinned to it. He read it; Honey, Just in case the kids wake up we wouldn't. The chorus of voices in my head beating me down had calmed mostly with the understanding that I knew. I knew what I was and how worthless I was. Mom and Dad weren’t home. Brian was out still. I couldn’t work on the paper, I could barely focus on anything. I was truly alone. No friends nor family to make feel better, I wasn’t even supposed to see Mr. Gadsten. I would have done anything to have him pay attention to me. He could ply me with anything and fuck me any way he wanted if he’d just tell. "Tommy when you met me outside the prison, I had nothing, I was nothing, now I've got a lot, a hell of a lot more than I ever thought I would have and it's all down to you.I love you, Tommy, I love you more than anyone I've ever loved and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together, with Jill as part of our little unit. That's what I want and by doing what I've said I'll do, I can pay a debt, and for the first time in my life, I'll have my own house, our own house.In a way it makes me a.