I only have $40 left. The bar is slow so Tayna sits and talks with me. She introduces me to Jane and Joan, her names for her two breasts which she cal...s her "moneymakers", as she snaps her bra back on. She stands to slide her tight sundress over her head. I smile as I watch her body wiggle the dress back in place. Soon the small oriental girl sits down near us. Her name is Hana, she is Korean, and she is good friends with Tayna. They sit and talk and I try to let them chat without being. * Four months ago. What good is it that I throw out my mirror with the garbage when his herd is surrounded by mirrors anyway? Walls, ceiling – even floor. The only way I can avoid looking myself in my face, decaying from pain and a generous consumption of Vicodin, is to close my eyes. I live my life with closed eyes. * Two weeks ago. Hope. The doctor has taken me to the side, his young eyes – he is not older than I am – nervous, and he keeps his voice muted. ‘Cut down on fatty food, no. Meanwhile, I contemplated how truly messed up getting money from Southwest Central State was. There was a military term that fit this: FUBAR. It stood for F-ed Up Beyond Any Recognition, describing something that was a complete disaster. This situation had all the earmarks of heading there.“They said I could bring them home if I got a big-enough enclosure,” Cassidy concluded as we pulled into the drive.“Uh, huh,” I said.Cassidy reached over and smacked me in the back of the head.“You didn’t. . I'll take Billy, I don't want you two alone in here... You take Danny since your the next oldest... We'll meet at the entrance in an hour to check up on each other... Don't get lost!"Carl seemed dissappointed for having to escort me instead of hanging with his best friend Billy it seemed. He grabbed my hand in a hurry as I let him lead me down the dark hallway and we headed to the first game he wanted to play. Carl told me to wait next to the gaming unit while he played and he said it would.