A great sadness overcame me when I led Madeleine and her lady to the room and as I left I was seething with anger. I freely admit this anger was inapp...opriate and unfair, since Madeleine was performing impeccably and exactly as I had instructed her. Our Mistress’s words later, regarding that bond between teacher and pupil were true of course but I should have had more self-control. I lingered outside their room and tortured myself as, subdued they were by the heavy door, I could hear the noises. She was just a baby running towards the lake to me. She didn't really want to be on my lap, but ate up all the attention Constance could give her. I guess I'm not quite the ladies' man I think I am...Somehow Kimberly failed to cheer me up, and I realized the one thing I needed to avoid was sinking into depression. Tabitha took Kimberly home, and Constance had to attend to things at the White house with the announcement coming in just a few hours, so she left me.Alone, I had time to think about. Have you seen some of those swimmers? Six foot four, shoulders that do not fit through the average door, muscles on their muscles, and that is only the women! No, not for me. I also wear glasses and am considered a total geek and a nerd. This is why I became a voyeur instead of a stud.My mother, god bless her, tried to set me up with a female some time ago. The girl's name was Gloria and she was nineteen. Five feet two and two hundred and forty pounds, just like her mother. Come to think of it,. I did not even attempt to adjust it. Then as he started to walk away I said, “I will need your help getting down afterwards and getting up on that fat elephant though.” He just smiled as he helped a couple of little kids up on a pair of horses. Then the ride began. Just before I came back into view of Dad and the attendant he would press the high speed button and give me such a thrill that I would have to bite my lower lip so as not to cry out in delight. It was shear torture, wonderful.