Whenever she had a bath she would keep it wedged away so tightly behind her crossed legs until it felt like her legs would break off. How many times ...id she pray when going to bed that she would wake up as a girl again. But every morning, the thing was still there, mocking her.Then there was the day that she noticed that the thing had what looked like a seam along the bottom - or was it a scar? For a while she was convinced that that proved that it had been put on with an operation. Erica. I didn't mean to hurt you." You didn't hurt me," I lied."I did." He was looking at me. "I'm sorry, Amber. You're beautiful and amazing and I just ... I don't know. I think I was punishing you." Punishing me?" I looked up at him, biting my lip."Maybe," he sighed. "I'm not really good at, uh ... sorting out my feelings like this. Um..." Okay," I almost smiled as I tried to understand what he was saying."A woman like you should be with a man who loves her," Seth told me. "I don't know why you're. ’ ‘That must happen a lot.’ He laughed. ‘Not as much you might think. Oh, I’m no monk, but I have to really have a connection to a woman to want to be more with her then the road, so there haven’t been all that many. I’m no player like some of the guys out here, I prefer honesty and being straight with people. And that brings up a question you haven’t asked me, if I was married or not.’ He was right, she hadn’t, why she didn’t know, unless it was some instinctual thing, she just knew he wasn’t,. Then I would talk about how Russell was the hottest guy ever. Dad always just laughed, he never seemed to take the hint!Showing dad how I felt about him became my mission in those years. I would cuddle with him on the couch, wiggling my body up against his under a blanket. Then I would rest my head on his broad chest and stare up at him until he noticed. He would usually smile and say “Quit it Lily”. Then I would giggle and say “no”. Then he would smile and kiss my forehead.I would take any.