My mind felt cleansed, my heart felt cleansed and my body felt cleansed. I could think straight again and I couldnt feel any pain. I no longer had any...self loathing or desire to die all I wanted to do was take this moment and bring these children that I had pushed away for so long back into my life. I sat up and I wrapped my arms around my son and I hugged him tightly. I whispered in his ear Luke, Tonight when your father came home I prayed for God to end this for me. I meant for God to have me. " He said.I stumbled back to my car exhausted, and drove home, and snuck back into the house. I took one last look at my self in the mirror before showering off. I looked like a beat up crack whore who had a rough night.I had to piss, so I figured what the hell, and grabbed a glass. I stood in the bathtub and pissed into the glass. As I was peeing, I realized that I needed to shit. I admired the golden glass of pee for a moment, and then I squatted down in the tub and let a soft log spiral out. Especially now that mom’s gone. The wound of her loss is so fresh.” Ava starts sobbing, tears are running down her cheeks. I’m hugging her, holding her, giving her a kiss on her cheek: “Oh, honey.”“Dad, would you mind? You know, cuddle with me again like I did with mom?” I’m tensing up: “Um… you know how difficult that is for me. We cuddled nude before like you wanted and there was a hiccup. I’m scared I’ll embarrass myself again.” Ava continues sobbing: “That’s so unfair. Just because you’re. 'I'll come back when it's nicer, not so wet, ' she thought. On her way home, she recalled her earlier promise to visit Sandy Duvin's new store, and turned in. There were parking spaces in front, next to a forbidding wire fence. A gate with a security keypad allowed entry to the area inside. There was an entry marked "Accueil" at the side near the gate. There was another window and entry at the other end of the building, apparently unused, and an entrance in the middle, probably to an apartment.