He made me so afraid of my desire to be female that iburied it until I was approaching puberty. Then the sense of wrongness,the horrible feeling that ...omehow, I was going in the wrong directionbecame overwhelming. But I kept it hidden as best as I could.Then I became a Christian. This made my conflict even stronger, as I wasinducted into a conservative branch of the faith, and felt sure that myneed for the feminine was a sin. This lead to a cycle of "binging" -getting girl clothes and trying to. I was starting to get sexually frustrated because my girlfriend would show me her body anytime but not let me touch it and enjoy it. It is like you get tons of brilliant shopping coupons but you aren’t allowed to use them!I was getting frustrated and wished my girlfriend experienced the pleasure of sex at least once so that she would start wanting it more and more. I was trying all sorts of things to make it happen, including forcing her. But it all went in vain as my lover wouldn’t budge an. But lets go now" uh sorry kate but you cant go any were dressed like that." my sister was wearing sneakers and some nice jeans and a sweater'."hold on sweetie i brought some clothes." then they went into my sisters room. i checked the clock it was 7:00 PM and almost dark. (that may seem peculiar for it to get dark that early in the middle of the summer but it does in lake tahoe because the whole area is surrounded by mountains hence the early darkness)about five minutes later i was about to get. ‘Please help me, Arnie,’ she groaned, weakly, clutching at his sleeve. ‘I feel like death warmed up!’ ‘Hang on honey!’ He popped into the en-suite bathroom, and quickly returned, with a glass of water, and two pink pills. ‘Here take these honey,’ he murmured. ‘They will make you feel better!’ She nodded, and popped the tablets into her mouth, before taking the glass in her trembling hands, and washing them down, with several large gulps of water. She handed back the glass tumbler, sweat beading.