I'm sore, clip biting my flesh and my guts still burning like hell but now after I came everything is more real, without arousal I feel sick and it is...difficult to cope with all of that. With tears in my eyes I ask watchers if they could stop tipping. But they not listening. When they saw that I'm alright they start again and the electric shock start biting my body. It is like a nightmare now, I'm very uncomfortable and there is still 15 minutes until key release. The noose around my neck is. Here." He said as he handed me a piece of paper.I leaned forward and took the letter. My eyes fell to a line highlighted in yellow "Honey. I don't know how to say this but I saw the most disturbing thing yesterday. (Gene's wife Jasmine is day manager of the Holiday Inn in a town about 40 miles from where we live). I was walking out of my office and I saw Harriet Samuels come out of the dining room with Alan Dawkins. What is worse, they didn't leave, he put his arm around her and they entered. "What's wrong child?" she asked me seriously."I was just thinking that in a few more weeks you'll be leaving," I saidas my eyes continued to leak."Don't you be worrying about that now. You've got two weddings toprepare for!" Her statement totally brought me around. I began to feelguilty and worry that I had no right to be so happy. I began to wonderwhy I associated happiness with disaster? Maybe Aunt Vivian would havesome answers for me with regards to that question. Mom arrived home in a. We checked into a nice double room with a small kitchenette where we could keep some cold drinks. I could tell that Mom was on edge but she was keeping up a strong front. I sat on the couch and motioned for her to sit beside me."Mom, tell me want you are feeling. I am not sure what you did before I got home and I know you had a glass of wine with dinner. Do you feel like you need anything right now?" I feel edgy and nervous. I need something to calm me down and take the edge off. I would.