She had already lost Derek, that she knew; there was bound to have been talk in the office during the week. She could not bear losing Bob as well.When...Helen got to the flat, Derek wasn't back from work yet. She went into the bedroom and started to pack up her clothes.When Derek came in he asked her, "How did it go?"Then he saw her face, and sat down suddenly."The bastard," he said, "What happened?" I don't want to talk about it," said Helen and went back into the bedroom.Derek followed her and. Already people were dancing on the platform and on the tops of both towers. Max had the decorators for the party make the house look Siamese in every respect. There were statues of Buddha and Thai houseboys in every section. He would faithfully prove to live up to his Bangkok theme in many respects. Surrounding the house was a large woods. They were dimly lit, but were alive with people. As one would walk along the paths there were small way-stations where crisco or other lubes and necessities. At night in bed, thinking about a boy friend or fantasising about a teacher, I learned to sustain that delicious point where I was on the edge without toppling over until at last the demand is so great it cannot be resisted. This morning I came fairly quickly but it was more mechanical than emotional. When I went to the drawer for clean knickers, I knew nothing had changed. I fidgetted away the rest of the morning, looking at the clock avery fifteen minutes. Rationally, I knew I should call. It wasn't just simple fear of girl-girl sex.And yet, she had nothing else to try. The longing in the pit of her stomach was frightful, and even more painful than the physical pain left over from being raped by Karen. It took a good ten days for the bruises on her breasts to disappear, and for her nipples to finally feel normal again. She didn't dare have any sex during that time, even though Yvette once, and Sholandra repeatedly, tried to persuade her. Both of them felt rejected and petulant,.