’ She was right, she put her kids first. To bad more women didn’t think that way. I then asked, ‘How about a part time job that you can do at ho...e? I have an office girl who can only work part time and I need someone who can operate a computer and do billing. What do you say?’ ‘I know how to do billing, I did it before the kids were born. But, Gary, I don’t own a computer. I had to sell it when we moved.’ ‘Boy, you drive a hard bargain. I’ll buy you a computer, set in up for you in your living. Then I tell him that I do not own him, that I cannot make a claim onhis heart because it is not mine to claim, but I love him nonethelessand I want to share with him whatever he is willing to share. Then Ikiss him again and I hold him to me, willing him to accept the warmthat my center into his own, where the fire has gone out and it isbitterly cold. Over long minutes I stealthily feed my fire into him,sharing it with him, even though it will give him the strength toreject it if that is his. I need to do this by the 23rd. I was so ready and getting myself worked up psychologically for the annual ritual. To be honest, just the thought of a piece of hard, cold steel blade entering my gut gets me to a point of insanityI stabbed myself twice last year, but it was so shallow. Would I be able to this year? As the day approached, I made a trip to the desert to scout out a proper and private location. Last year’s spot was compromised. I parked my car, got my cameras, two this year for. .you..." she seemed to be unable to find the word she wanted and trailed off into silence."What have I done now?" I asked in a puzzled and innocent tone."Oh, you beast!" she snapped and stamped a foot.For the life of me I couldn't figure out what I could have done to get her so annoyed all of a sudden, the last thing we'd talked of had been Miss. Thirlby's tits and that was when Carol had thrown her wobbly. Then I sort of remembered her making some sort of comment about her own boobs, I hadn't.