Maddie was behind me but she knew what I was doing and she didn’t speak, even when I turned around. “You kept this?” I asked. My voice was light... and steadier than I expected. She looked up at the white, white ceiling. I saw her throat shift as she swallowed. “Must’ve forgotten about it,” she said, finally. “I’m sorry. Did you miss it?” “No. I didn’t even realise it was gone.” She bit her lip, eyes looking anywhere but at me. “Huh.” “Why’d you still have it, Maddie?” The room felt small, too. Again, not like brothers, but not like lovers either. Just kiss as friends, no tongue, just a kiss that meant love.I took Mikey by the hands and led him over to the other bed and we sat down. I looked into his eyes and saw a totally different person sitting next to me. Oh, he was my brother, but much more. We had shared the boy that I loved which was a bond that neither of us thought would ever happen."Mikey, I know that dad is probably thinking about sending you to CBS next year. Did you. I have been exposed to pornography in the past but I thought that my interest in it was only temporary, like the appearance of smoke from someone smoking a cigarette.The smoke disappears from sight. That is how I dealt with pornography. I watched it and then threw it into the garbage. I exposed myself to it and then banished it from sight. I did not believe that I had a permanent interest in sexual hedonism, I told myself that I was only watching it because every man would do the same thing.I. If she could find some wayto make a living off of just doing research she would be a happy camper.She could always continue her education to pursue a different careerthat would allow her to use her current degree. Right now, she was morethan a little schooled out. Maybe she needed to take some real time offto think about what she wanted out of life.She really did not want to go back to Iowa to do her thinking though.While she loved her brothers, their attitudes and opinions were far.