This time Christine was going to be the makeup artist she was very good while Susan took over the agency phones. Off we set for the twenty-minute flig...t landing beside the Land Rover that was waiting for us. We were all taken to the dining room and given coffee, while we discussed the shoot with Lady Anne and Beatrice. I had a plan of the whole house and John and I had discussed how the pictures would go starting from the gardens if it was fine weather and then a roam around the house for the. When I looked in the mirror, all I could see was a woman. A WOMAN.But the two experiences I had just had, that few transwomen can live, hadalso filled my heart and my mind with a powerful female energy that wouldstay with me forever. I was now also a mother, and Joana was right. Thebond with Manuelito (whom I missed dearly) would never be broken. All ofthis had been thanks to Mustapha and his endless love, and my heartbelonged to him. He was the only man in the world that could live in. ....And never found another publisherfor it, or subsequent books.I'm sharing this because the break-up with my publisher happened aroundthe same time as the break-up with my girlfriend. It really sucked. Sowhen a girl started to flirt with me regularly during lectures and wehooked up, I decided crazily that I would tell her about my cross-dressing. I was at a real low point. On and off through my formativeyears I'd considered suicide and it was only the fact that my brothertried to kill. "Even if it's what you really want?" she asked softly, her face moving closer to mine, her moist lips looking so sweet, so inviting... "Even if," I whispered in reply,"Even if it's what I really want?" Lucy asked, her voice little more than a sigh, and I had no more words. Our lips met in a hot, hungry kiss, a kiss that spoke of deep passions and the urgent need for satisfaction. I pulled her hard against me, my fingers squeezing the tight flesh of her ass, our kiss as deep and passionate as.