It was like a pacifier Iguess. I took a breath and kept the dildo in my mouth."Ok, girl, this is the hard part. You have to relax your throat to getmo...e in."I tried, but immediately started gagging. I came off the dildo andcoughed for a few seconds."That's ok, Brit! Happens to everyone. This is why you'll practice.Totally normal."For some reason I did feel ashamed that I had that perfectly normalreaction, and I really appreciated Lana's empathy. But failing onlysteeled my resolve."I can do. Deal with it." I don't intend to."thud"Then don't. I don't give a shit." I must be taking it too easy on you, then. Here, I'll see if I can get your attention."thudthud"Ow, ow, christ, don't put me in the hospital. You are such a clod. Ow, fuck." I don't care, slut. Look at my dick. Just as hard as when we started. Not bad for a fifty year old. You're keeping me young. A pity if it kills you. But I'll just find another one, better than you, if it comes to that."thud"Ow. Your cock? ... is. I won’t say I have been celibate over the last 4 years. I have dated and bedded some very nice ladies. Some that wanted to make me a permanent part of their life but my heart belongs to Julia. It wouldn’t be fair a trade off for them. I would just eventually wind up hurting them. So I kept my relationships short term.Julia and her man found themselves in the same restaurant as me and one of my dates about a year after our divorce. The woman was at least the equivalent of Julia on an. Hopefully, Sygor felt the same way, wherever he was. Unfortunately, I had a gut feeling that he didn’t.Life after that didn’t get easier. In fact, at times the tension was unbearable. I was angry at Sygor, others were disappointed with him, and none of us knew what to do about his desertion of his family. Tisa and Sapha decided that they wanted to return north to our settlement, and I made it happen. They had family there and those people would support the two young women. Hopefully it would be.