Merkus was still gone and not even the ships rumor mill had any details as what happened to him. Lt. Clusen acted strangely as he tried to be friendly...and did not even trytry to find something unpleasant for us to do.It was late Friday evening as Har Hi and I returned to the 54th deck had just finished a shift in the engineering department were we received training in damage control procedures.To our surprise the others were still up.Wetmouth sat in the lotus position on her bed and was deeply. So I stumble back to my bed and lay there, waiting for sleep to overtakeand heal me. But the one time I crave it, need it desperately, sleepfails to come for me. I lay there, exhausted, too tenseto sleep. Relax, I try to tell myself, just relax and sleep willfollow. Twenty minutes later and not only am I drained, I'mfrustrated as well. My mind is racing and it won't let go of the thoughtsenough to let me sleep. It doesn't help that those thoughts center aroundhim and the complexities of. Oh it was good, but nothing what so ever like I felt earlier today.We finished and we both fell on the sheets, worn out. Peter said, "That was wild! Watching you sucking on your rubber cock like that, what were you thinking of?"I thought for a moment and said, "I was fantasizing I had you in both ends of me at the same time."Peter said, "You seemed to have really liked it like that, is it better than when you suck me and use your rubber cock or is it the same?"I thought to myself, it was good,. Once I started feeling a sexual attraction to my son, once I started fantasizing about making love to him and giving him regular hand jobs and blowjobs, I chalked it up to being lonely. I figured I was horny. Maybe it was a hormonal imbalance or a side effect from some of the medication my doctor had prescribe that I take. Maybe there was something in the flavored water I was drinking or the low carb, fat free food I was eating.We don't know what chemicals they put in foods today, a byproduct.