I TOLD HER TO SLEEP TODAY FAST WITHOUT FINGERING OR MASTURBATING… AND SHE BECAME A BIT SAD…..I SAID GOOD NIGHT AND WENT TOOO ROOM TO SLEEP….. AF...ER 30MIN I FOUND HER COMING IN AND SHE WAS JUST IN A TOWEL…..I GOT A GREEN SIGNALLLL….. I SAID COME IN WIFE…. AND SHE WAS OVERJOYED WITH THAT WORD….. I TOOK HER IN MY ARMS… PLACED HER ON THE BED AND STARTED MASSAGING HER HEAD…. TO START WITH…. TO TEMPT HER I NEVER TOUCHED HER MAIN GENITIAL PARTS….I MASSGED HER BACK, THEN HER SHOULDES… HAND… LEGS…. BUT. "That isn't what I want. I want to see you and Debbie again. Just like before. Only, maybe this time, when you're done with Debbie, you could do me with your mouth too? Not the other thing though, just with your mouth." I knew what I was going to say. Perhaps it was that same unexplainable impulse that I'd had that day with my father, after he had slapped me for calling Jimmy an asshole. I knew that what I was going to say would probably wind up assuring me of not getting what June was already. I can't rememberexactly. I didn't laugh.No. My life broke apart at that moment. It was hard for me to hide mytears. But I couldn't let someone know. I didn't feel safe to tell myparents.I cried myself to sleep that night, I started hating my life. Whywasn't I born a girl? Life would be so much easier than it is now. Ifelt lost. If I couldn't trust my parents, who can I trust? I wentinto repressing mode. I thought to myself that when I do boyish thingsit well help. Maybe I was crazy for thinking. I took a swig of tequila and stumbled into my second outfit. I stood there smiling at my stepfather, wearing extremely short jean shorts that didn't button up, and a white low cut tank top.He looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Can I ask you something baby girl?" I nodded, "Have you ever been with a man? You know... are you a virgi-" I began to cry, I explained to him that my friends make fun of me for being a virgin, and most of my friends had lost their virginity when they were 14. He grabbed my.