He’s a senior at UCLA, and he’s planning to go to law school out there, so they’ll be on opposite ends of the country for the next four years. S... I asked her, like, ‘How can you stand it? Being so far apart for such long periods of time.’ And she said, ‘Phone sex.’ And I laughed, and asked her if that was enough, you know, like as a joke. And there was this twinkling in her eye, and then she explained what being an L.U.G. meant, and I almost choked on my veggie burger! Then I asked her, ‘What. So the dogs weren't allowed in the house, I could remember that."Now, maybe you want to get comfortable in your new home." He stood there looking at me expectantly."Umm ... What about the rest of the house?" I asked, just since I expected him to show me stuff like the bathroom maybe, since I had to go sorta. And the kitchen, since it was a little past dinnertime."Off limits to you, bitch," he smiled. "Go on now and get undressed. I want to see what you look like all collared up."I guess my face. While I certainly owned a washing machine, I could understand her wanting some variety. I didn’t know anything about women’s clothes, but I attempted to buy some things for her while I was out.Big mistake.Men, if you are going to buy clothes for a woman, ask her for her sizes, or aim low.Real low.“You know, Amazon is selling clothes online now. If you ask me real nicely, maybe I’ll give you my log in.” I smiled.“Really?” Kayla exclaimed.“Uh huh.” I nodded.“Please? Pretty, pretty please?” Kayla. Her sitting on the easy chair opposite me, I had a full view of this object powerful enough to distract me from her mile-deep cleavage that deliciously wobbled every time she chuckled about my unfiltered stream of daft wisecracks.“So, tell me,” I registered her voice, barely understanding the contents of her words, for all-too-mesmerized I was by her visual flirting. “Is that open relationship with your girlfriend still a thing?”(Yes, yet another cringy memory of a zany, gullible.