I convinced myself that she and I both wanted and needed the closeness because of our outcast status in school. In the house, in the bed, I didn’t f...el spurned, I felt like I was with a good friend, someone who cared; that she was asleep and unaware of me didn’t matter.She was on her stomach, pillow cradled in her arms, legs angled apart. The crumpled blanket covered her back and one leg. Nadine’s other leg was bent at the knee, lying free of the cover, her night gown rode high on her thigh. I. Mai himat har chuka tha,Daily usa college chorne jata,aur aksar kahe chup k dakhta k kya pata shaid ya phir kahe jae,ku k mai ab usa dubara dakhna chahta tha,wo sab karte hua,jo aj tak meri ankho k smane sa nahi gaya!!!!Phir aik din mai na hina ko drop kiya,aur us k college k thora aga aik tobacco shop pa khara ho k cigrete pena laga,Meri nazar achanak vicky ki gari pa pari aur hina us k sath bethi v thi,mai na foran bike start ki,aur unha usi ghar ki taraf jate dakha jaha wo pahle gae tha,mjha. In the evenings we would often go to a movie and on the way home she would stop and most often give me a blowjob. She always figured out how to get me off. The first Sunday her family was having a barbecue in the back yard with other family invited. Shirley had several cousins our age. The boys all had to show off how they could walk on their hands. Shirley said, “That is nothing, watch me.” She flipped up on her hands and began to walk. The difference was that she was wearing a dress. Because he kept his part of the bargain, did not offer any advice, and swore to keep what he knew of me a secret, I let him live when I left. I think we both appreciated the efforts we each made. He gave me a copy of his manuscript, which he could not, in clear conscience, publish. It was the most meaningful gesture of thanks he could make.Perhaps my family or somebody else did not agree with some aspect of my deal, or maybe they just wanted what he knew, or perhaps it was to keep what he knew.