The hate part had been festering from my first awareness in the orphanage. Somehow, I had always known that I had been thrown away. I had felt like I'... been discarded. It was one thing to feel like that, and quite another to find out it was true.I didn't make it down for dinner. The phone rang several times, but I didn't answer it. There wasn't any point to my answering it. I had nothing I could say to anyone that would explain what I was experiencing. I didn't know it at the time, but Mama,. Not real muscular or anything, but you could tell by looking at him he was a strong and powerful man. By the way, I don't think I mentioned he was black."His name is Big Dog, at least that's what he goes by. He'd always been a nice guy really. Kind of quiet, and he always had a quick smile and friendly nod of his head whenever I passed by. I'm not sure how old he was, maybe 35 or so, I guess."After awhile I started to flirt some with him. You know those short skirts I wear, the ones that show. “Commander?” Came the voice of Shiloh.“Yes Lieutenant?” Derrick said a moment later.“Just wanted to let you know that we are secure. The wife and four children were well hidden so they were safe.” Shiloh replied.“Wife and four children? I never knew you were married! Before you leave I’d like to meet them.” Derrick told the man as he silently cursed to himself. Damn it! Why in the hell hadn’t he thought that they might be married AND have children. Shaking his head he guessed he thought that. I can only change what I have control over. I can control myself, my thoughts, my actions, my behavior. Whenever you have seen me at my worst, it’s been when I have lost that control. I have to fight that constantly. It is so easy to give in and lose control.”“I have never seen you like that!” Marilyn protested.“Oh yes, you most surely have! Don’t you remember that weekend when I got into it with Mark and your parents? I lost control then! I was so out of control I damn near lost you! You were.