Doesn't matter. It won't kill me, but I have to live withit, every day, forever. Same as you. You know what I mean?"I just sat and stared at him. ...lowly, his point made some progress inmy head.I stopped crying.I started considering the idea of considering the idea that maybe thingsweren't all that bad. Red was right, there'd been no mention of theword fatal, or anything similar to it. The Doctor had been anuncommunicative dick, but he'd more or less said that what I had wasn'tgoing to. I wasn't looking for love, I just saw a good looking girl I wanted to get to know better. Now I'm thinking long term.But, I still have been forbidden to come to her house. I still can't shake the feeling Phyllis is hiding something from me. I knew I had to be careful on my approach on the subject, but I think it was time. I could sense a sadness in her and a deep fear, but of what ... or whom.Phyllis has been by my place a few times waiting for me to get our gear together for one of our. They suggested snorting. We did. Harsh on the nostrils and the immediate rush absent and the stuff overly cut, we still got stoned, helped by the reefer one of the Negro musicians had given her. Later that night we journeyed to the East Village in search of pinned eyes and curved elbows and men nodding or scratching on stoops or bar chairs, signs of the junkie. Pinned eyes result from irises shrinking to pinholes when heroin invades the blood stream. We saw the signs, but didn't trust the. She was very much in control. I just laid there with my tongue out as she worked it across her pussy, which I must reluctantly admit was beautiful.As she rode my face, she said you see I am in charge and this is my house. I didn’t say anything I just wanted her to finish so I could take care of my needs that were growing really strong. She said "say it, tell me how much you like eating my pussy," again I could only reply with a softer "fuck you," and with that she grabbed the back of my head.