End Diary EntryI find this part of my diary the hardest to read. I know what I wasgoing through at the time emotionally. I hadn't reconciled the rap...yet. I was just a raw nerve; trying my best to hold on to the man Iloved through the thing he loved best about me - my sex. I can feel itwhen I read this. I was frayed.What's worse, I can see the changes in Ryan. He was treating medifferently than he had before. I was blind.Diary Entry: October 2008After a good fucking from Ryan last night. ”“Er...I don’t think I could do that,” she said, obviously flustered.“Oh...I think you could,” I offered. And with that, I grabbed the front of her dress, pulled her toward me, and kissed her.She gasped and attempted to pull away, but I would not release her. I held the kiss for a very long time. She was at first reluctant, then a bit uneasy, but I persisted with firm resolve and when I gently slipped my tongue into her mouth and pressed it to her tongue, she moaned softly.I slipped my hand. Jason immediately decided the best way to get out of this trouble was to beg for mercy. "Please don't tell anyone... I promise to do anything!" Anything?" Stephanie asked. She knew she had Jason in her trap."Anything!" Jason replied.Stephanie then decided to have some fun. "Since you like wearing my panties so much, take off your underwear, throw it in the rubbish bin and put on mine!"Jason, not willing to anger Stephanie, did as he was told.Jason then sat through the rest of the lessons hoping. Hammer asked. "Someone begin. I'll wait." We all looked around at each other."Small," said one person."Creepy. Like I don't matter at all." Like we're all worthless in the eyes of the universe," Cassie said."Believing the universe is only six thousand years old helps, doesn't it?" Ms. Hammer winked at Cassie. "Does anyone feel the opposite?" Empowered," Josh said. I looked at him. "Like even after all that, I'm still here. I should just go for it." Go for what?" Go for everything. Live life.".