Exhausted and sick at heart, I drank three glasses of water and looked at myself in the mirror, green around the gills and utterly unappetizing, and I...shook my head in dismay. I staggered back into the living room and curled up on the floor, my sweater under my head, and dozed in hungover dreams obsessively pursuing a question I clearly didn’t need answered or want answered for that matter. Reality was bad enough and my heart couldn’t handle the finality of naming it.Like the typical fool I. As I headed toward the back door, I heard a giggle. There sitting on the back steps were the twins. They were drunk and shushed me repeatedly, "can't wake up momma — be very quiet Santa. We just need a little help, Gram has gone to the 24 hour drugstore to get her prescription and we left our purses in her car, so we are looking for the hidden key to get in."I pretended to find the key and opened the door. They pulled me in and continued to exhort me to be very quiet. I managed to get them to. Take it all off!" This order was accompanied by a blow to Megan's stomach. She doubled up with pain and the guard straightened her up with another vicious blow to her already shattered nose and sent her sprawling, her hands clasping her bloody face. The other guard kicked her in the ribs and shouted at her to get up, which she did very quickly, removing her briefs and dropping them next to her dress. She now stood silently, bleeding, trembling with fear and naked. Megan had not been as anxious. What I mean is that everyone will knowI'm a man, and I will be embarrassed." Why would you be embarrassed? You are a man. You're just a man whowears silky and pretty clothing. I don't see why you should beembarrassed by it. Besides, you know I like it." But men don't wear dresses and heels. They don't wear makup and redlipstick. It's embarrassing!" You're being silly. People probably won't even notice. And if theydo, you control whether you are proud to be dressed that way.