’ I don’t know if I hung up the phone or I just dropped it. A secretary told me later that I screamed ‘No!’ at the top of my lungs and cried f...r over an hour. Mary was gone! At the time I believed that I would never love anyone again. I wouldn’t date for fifteen years. I could have, but I wouldn’t. I worked and I focused on that to get me through each day. I was in the office before dawn and left after dark every day. On the days that the office was closed I worked at home. I boxed all the. When you call me, I will come out and we can chat and see where it goes. I actually hope you are right, but it was a hell of a way to get here.”“I know, I am sorry, I had a different plan but it did not work out, and by the way, I think he may well be going commando, he usually does.”“All the better, everything on display. Go on, I will wait for you to call me, get him a cognac.”Shortly... “Okay, c’mon, everything’s cool.”I walked out, they were both sitting on the couch, with a space inbetween. " I say. My chin is tilted down, my eyes glued to the floor. I hate disappointing my Daddy. My heart is sinking in my chest, and it feels as if I'm swallowing rocks. My heart is racing as I wait for you to state my punishment.Without saying a word, you nod over to the couch. You unbuckle your belt and my heart sinks more. Spankings. You sit on the couch and motion for me to come over. I slowly walk over, pulling my T-shirt down as far as I can to cover my pale bottom. I stand before you."Over. It was a no-win situation, butone situation was better than the other one and I knew which one itwas.I put out my cigarette and lit another one. The wig and the glassesbeckoned me with their magic and their promises and I listened. Ithought about yesterday at Margie's house and how I had felt so at easearound my mother and the other women. I had felt like one of them andthat had felt extraordinary and wonderful. It was the feeling I'd beensearching for my entire life and I wasn't willing to.