After we’d been working and developing ideas for a year or two we purchased an old farm house with a few outbuildings that we could set up as worksh...ps. All went well for some years until Jilly suffered from a brain tumour and was gone in almost no time at all. I didn’t do much for the next year or two, I was very depressed, and eventually my doctor told me that I needed to see people and get out, or I wasn’t going to last long. You’ve got the old dairy that you’ve done nothing with, why don’t. I ran my tongue in and around her navel and she held me in place. I was confused but I knew I could only do what she encouraged me to do. If she wanted me at her pussy it would happen when she chose and not when I wanted. After I had slobbered all over her belly she said, “Get off.” I was sure my pleasure was over. As I rose up off her I felt her moving about and then she said, “Well, take yours off too.” My unexpressed question was, take what off? But then I realized the only thing I. I couldn’t leave as It was very late , I told her I’d come tomorrow morning.She agreed then started Playing With that Pussy again.I came Soo much that night.The next day As soon as I woke up around 6:00 AM , I messaged her saying that call me as soon as you are free.then I went and had a bath , all I could think about was her beautiful pussy and my dick got erect again but I controlled myself as I was soon gonna fuck her anyway.Around 9:40 Am I got her call , she said to come over as her dad. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even.