Just as he does, the last real angry thought that I have is usually, "damnit, that's not fair!" But then that thought dies as the lust rises up and ta...es over my entire being. And usually discussing it later winds up being much more productive.The doctor was right about the conditioning insofar as it isn't enough for him to snap his fingers out of context. If he's telling a story to someone while I'm there and says "just like that!" and snaps his fingers, somehow my mind knows that it wasn't. I walked down the street to my car, dropping my coat off in the trunk, & getting out the unopened package of cigarettes. Vanilla Dreams, I’d bought them more than a month ago, after stealing my first from a former lover in a near suicidal depression. I wasn’t that bad now, just a little broken & disappointed…. I walked a block or so to a park I’d found earlier, when I was still searching for food. There was the broad expanse of a ball field, & up a hill there were tennis courts & a play ground.. He has a big cock, the kind you don’t forget to feel no matter how many times it gets inside you, or how long it stays there. I’ve never stopped feeling that wave of trepidation before it’s in; it washes over me now. Yet I’ve learned to look forward to it, the bliss of being full.Oliver’s cockhead pushes firmly into the tiny winking mouth, straining it open around it. The little rush of alarm shoots off through me, the nerves crying out before they stop and realize how much they want this. It. He draws the chair back and seats me, sets a glass of melon soup with sticks of crisped ham before me, then shows the wine bottle for my approval. He draws the cork and pours a glass, then moves softly from the room. As I'm chasing the last drop of the soup round the glass he's back, a napkin draped over one arm, carrying a dish in oven mittens to set on the hotplate on the sideboard. He serves one helping on a dish and another into a steel dog bowl, sets the dish in front of me and.