His existence as the driving force in my life still remains and dominates all others. He is the Master of my love, of each beat of my heart, of every ...reath that I take. And he knows it. He has, in both words spoken and not, pointed out to me all the things I have allowed to creep back into my way of life since his departure. I have both cringed at wept at the girl I have presented to him now after our countless hours together. I have allowed myself to get swept away by those I have surrounded. Some nights I open a third bottle of wine. Am I becoming an alcoholic??Therapist, ?What do you think?Patient, ?I just want him to stop working late and pay some attention to me. You know I have my needs, I have my fantasies. I know he has made partner at an age so young that it is scandalous. He provides anything I ask for. I get a new car every other year. This year we got a new summer house. But I wonder if he really loves me anymore. I am the one that has to give Discipline to the. Instead I took the briefcase and all the unused bondage gear from the bed and placed them on the floor. Then I lay down next to her. She looked at me with her big green eyes with so much love that I just wanted to melt right there next to her.I took her bound torso to my loving embrace and I kissed her on the bit gag. Her body shuddered in delight as my hand that wasn't under her torso started to explore every part of her body. I started with her neck and worked my way down over her blouse. I. I don’t know why she thinks she’s going to be a model, she can’t pose to save her life. She has to wear so much make up it looks like spackle. I don’t know how I’ll get her to look good in any of the 800 shots I took today. God forbid she wants any shots that you could take an off-road vehicle to, either! I had to haul all my gear everywhere, up a goddamned mountain through a forest! I’m so tired.” I complain, and you listen. You put your journal away and start to kiss my back and rub slow.