I find it’s hard to focus due to my dehydrated state. But the bra I managed to have hook with my toe getting there, recalling a vague memory. I pic... it up. A broken front closure hasp, I was too drunk to figure it out. Sober enough to remember promising a new one. Telling me that was for sure NOT the same woman. Having relieved myself, I wash in the sink. Finding a neatly printed box of fresh towelettes, I dampen my face then my loins. Cleaning my skin enough that it doesn’t feel sticky. I couldn’t just chat about smart fabrics and wacky ideas any more, I was supposed to know what needed doing all the time and appear in control.Up to now my life had been about uncertainty. I embrace it. My energy comes from NOT knowing things and exploring; making unexpected connections that other people don’t see. I’m a ditherer, a wonderer.Now I had to tell people what to do all the time, when I was so aware I might be wrong. Most problems can be solved in a number of different ways, after. She was pleasant, respectful, and a bit on the shy side. I just plain liked having her around.So I was totally shocked at the pictures. My hands were actually shaking. As much as I knew I shouldn't be looking at the obviously private photos, the voyeur in me forced me to go through them, one by one. They were dirty, and exciting, and I had absolutely no right to be looking at them. It was an intoxicating combination. I must have spent close to an hour going through them.The thought of Joanne. He’d not made the mistake of confusing lust for love again, but he’d had plenty of opportunities to satiate that lust, earning himself a reputation as a lady’s man – but not a knave, either. He was careful never to lead anyone on, ensuring there were no hurt feelings – and no unexpected ‘consequences’ a few months down the road, either. He just enjoyed himself, without strings attached, and made sure his partners did the same.But after a while, the novelty wore off. With his future so uncertain.