Three minutes later his email told me to get it done. I confirmed the seats and by 9:45pm I emailed Jake to tell him I would be there in ten days.When...I boarded China Air flight CA982 at 3:20PM from JFK on February 24th, the clothes on my back were heavier than everything in my carry-on. Jake told me he would lend me a laptop while I was there so I was traveling lighter than when I go to work.It was 22F outside with a stiff wet breeze in NYC as we were preparing to take off in that 747-400. My. The regret, the guilt had dripped through. ‘Girl,’ Pam had said, ‘You need to quit worrying about Alan’s love life and get yourself laid.’ Amanda had sputtered. ‘I’m not ready for a relationship yet.’ ‘I wasn’t talking about a new husband. I said you needed to get laid. A zip-less fuck if you will.. Whatever it takes, but YOU have needs too and you’ve been ignoring that. Maybe you aren’t ready to get back into the game, but you need to at least get on the sidelines. A good fuck would do you. Did he think I wasdisappointed? Now I wasn't sure I wanted to leave. Guilt? Of courseleaving was more difficult because I was being squeezed from all directions.Brad on one side and James right here in front of me. And I can't forgetLisa and the host of others who wanted a piece of me, a piece of who MichaelMoore was, who Rachel is now. I needed time to think this out, "James, I'mfine. I'm fine with us going out to dinner, I'm fine," that last 'fine' almost soundinghuffy. "Why don't you change. I went to Jenny’s apartment hard as a rock and dripping with precum so much that my pants were soaked. She wouldn’t be home for a few more hours, so I envisioned how I would propose the idea of the both of us going to the bookstore and entering the video section and fucked while somebody watched us. My first thought was, ‘she’s going to throw you out of the house for even suggesting this!’ But then I fantasized about her fucking me while somebody else watched. The thought of being viewed turns.